Heightened Senses

I think I’m done

I think I’m gonna take a break from weed and alcohol for a while. There’s nothing good that comes from that shit anyway. I always think that its gonna make me all happy and hyper and just really make me have a good time, when in reality I’m just a lazy, confused fuck on it. Out of all the times I’ve partyed this summer, there are only a handful of times where I actually enjoyed myself and had fun. Other than that I’m just wasting money and hurting my body. I feel like me n my friends have been chasing this high all summer that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it does and we are just in the wrong place, or maybe I am doing it with the wrong people. But I don’t really wanna even look anymore. I’m over it. Guess I’m not cool anymore.

I have learned from previous situations that you can help others try to change as much as you want, but 9 times out of 10 they are only gonna change when THEY are ready, NOT YOU.

Its tricky having some of your co-workers as your followers on Twitter or friends on FB. When I call out * like today* I feel like their gonna see a status of me doing something way more fun and think im lazy as fuck *which I am* or just get mad at me for leaving them at work by themselves.

Im going to audition for this theater company tomorrow. Im not really nervous beause the audition is just me singing which I will KILL. The only thing that worries me is the fact that I dont remeber all the words to the song im going to sing, which will be Skid Row from Little Shop Of Horrors. I sang the song a while ago in a play but haven’t performed it since, so yeah.

Anyways, wish me luck!!! 

Giving Up TV

So I have been bouncing back and forth over this idea for a couple of weeks now. At first I came up with the idea to have what I would call “blackout weeks”. Which would be a whole week of no TV, cellphone, internet and music. Nothing. I would isolate myself from the technology world and would force myself to find new things to occupy my time. But then, I realized how much I was really asking of myself, and kind of chickened out. I just don’t think its a good idea for me to go all cold turkey like that. Eventually one day, maybe in a couple of months I would do this, but for now I thinks i’ll start off slow. So then I just figured i’ll start off on TV and see where it goes. Now, im not a crazy TV person anyway, so this could be kind of easy for me, but I guess we will see. I mean as im typing this, I am definitely ”watching” Jerseylicious. And when I say “watching” I mean I have it on just for background noise. And that is what I mostly use my TV for, background noise. But honestly have you ever thought how much your brain still retains even when your not paying attention to something?! A lot and more than your think. So that is why I think this might be a little struggle, just because of how much my TV fills. For me it’s mainly a boredom fill and it beats sitting in silence. Which is why I need to do this Blackout thing. I want to learn to love being in silence and love just listening to myself and the natural noises around me. So im gonna start this challenge when I wake up tomorrow and I will update my progress everyday.

Red/Trains

Train tracks also known as my nerve fibers
Running through my body
Giving me the gift to feel
But you have rode on it for way too long
Running the train of it’s course when you reach 
My fingers,eyes,back,legs,toes,smile
But I’ve stopped you at my heart
No trains lead there
I cut you off
I know better than to let you in
And bruise the only thing keeping me alive
It makes you mad
And drives you wild
That I’ve kept you out
And now it’s a game of trickery
No longer one so simple like before
Now your out for blood
But the trains keep coming to a halting stop
At my heart
And turns back around
I laugh at your parasitic, pathetic ways
Because even though my body has become black & blue
The center of my being will continue
To keep beating, proud, loud,
Fucking Red

Things

All of these things

They are just things

And under all these things

I find my mother

Kicked out of her own bedroom by all these things

The house seems a bit smaller because of all these things

Taken over by all these things

What are all these things

But they all mean something to her

And she won’t let go

She doesn’t know how to let go

And take back her home

Stop letting your life be ran by all these things

Step out on the porch and there are more things

Two extra rooms full of things

No dining room table, can I eat on these things

Tomorrow i’ll spend a day getting rid of these things

Big Pickup comes and ill throw away these things

Ill have a garage sale and sell some of these things

But the things never go away

They never leave

They never move

They just sit

They never do anything

Except stub my toe and force me to leave you with all these things

All alone with your things

I hope your fucking happy with your things

Those selfish fucking things